Something for Others: Designated Driving

Thanksgiving Eve: the biggest drinking night of the year in the U.S. Lots of reunions, catching up, reconnecting, and people-watching going on. By home, the riverside has traditionally been an oasis of long-lost classmates. While I missed 2009's festivities (and I did miss them), 2010 offered an opportunity to resume my duties as DD for whomever needed a ride.

This sort of tradition started the year most of my friends and I turned 21...it was finally time to head out to the bars and see what all the fuss was about. Since we host Thanksgiving dinner at my house every year, I offered my services as driver of a friends' family van. I'm not unlike a sloth with a hangover, and so Thanksgiving morning means I have to be on my A-game. As a result, we would head out and about with a sizable crowd to the bars. Each year has offered similar stories of long-unseen acquaintances from high school and late nights/early mornings returning folks back to their homes.

This year, we had more people than ever having their own homecoming, as they have scattered throughout the United States, and so returning everyone home mainly consisted of returning people to their parents' home ("home base" from here on out). The good news: housewarming party for my buddy Matt, who moved into his own place during the year. The extra good news: no need to hit the bars. The bad news? No concern for public intoxication laws. We had a good crowd, and just about everyone was getting "festive", including a pal who moved south a year or so ago. As a result, the drive home was set to be a memorable. Here we go...

Taking holidays VERY seriously...
The second car of people to get a lift home was full of people who were at varying degrees of intoxication. Everyone had been given the ol' "round up" signal (put an index finger up in the air, then rotate your hand clockwise, pointing your finger skyward the entire time. That's it.), which I had assumed means that if you have to use the facilities, get on it before we depart. In any event, we left for the ride home, and I felt confident that we'd make it without incident; key players were already dozing off, so if nothing else, the ride would be quiet.

Wrong. Within a minute- literally 60 seconds- of leaving for home, I hear "Pull over, I gotta boot". Groan. I start to pull over to let this happen outside of my car, only to hear "I'll just roll down the window. You can lean over me and spew outside." NO! Since we're still on a side road, I pull over to the shoulder, door unlocks, door opens and then, since the spry was drowned by beer in the backseat, there was a vomit stripe down someone's back. This was followed by the rest of the vomit managing to find the pavement. Mostly. Our vomit-skunk decided to take this time to empty his bladder on the street, only to be approached by a police vehicle.

Here's where the benefits of designated driving come in handy:
1) Safe ride home for those you care about.
2) Sober negotiator with authorities.

All in all, everyone got home safely without any sort of rap sheet/blackout/official misconduct/long-term effects. In addition to a good story, it made the fact that I got to spend time with friends who are not around often without having to worry about whether anyone was making any truly disastrous life choices. The moral of the story is this: get a designated driver. If nothing else, you get home safely. If anything else, it make for a good story....you know, if drunken tomfoolery isn't totally frowned upon to begin with.

Managed to avoid getting behind the wheel: more beneficial than this picture is damaging.

Book # 12: Digital Fortress

Digital Fortress, by Dan Brown

I love to read. I'm the person who reads every post in a museum simply to absorb the information. Reading is a surefire way to build vocabulary, and- as an aspiring writer- to build writing technique. While there's a lot to be said for scholarly texts and non-fiction books, sometimes I just need to plow through a book for the sake of plowing through a book. If you want to call them "guilty pleasures", so be it. I wouldn't call it mindless reading; the desire to read the occasional sensationalized page-turner, in my opinion, just means I want to be entertained for a time. Non-fiction can get dry (anyone who says their lives have been NON-STOP entertaining are full of it...despite my travels, sitting here typing a book review does not constitute excitement.). Some works of fiction- including MANY classics- can seem outdated and fail to grasp the reader. Cryptic texts, similarly, fail to entertain me, particularly if I am meant to deconstruct the work. As a result, a Dan Brown read is a welcome break.

Dan Brown, for those unfamiliar with his work, is the author of The DaVinci Code and Angels and Demons, among others. The stories have become formulaic by this point, but are well-known to be page-turners. Having read the aforementioned #1 best-sellers, as well as Deception Point- an earlier work that pre-dates Robert Langdon- I decided to go back to Brown's first endeavor in this style of writing, Digital Fortress. It's hard to imagine anyone has not read either of Brown's best-known novels, so here's a rough shot at describing the process for those who- for whatever reason- haven't picked any of them up...
Like Guinness, Dan Brown is good for what ails you. If you read/drink.

Digital Fortress, like Brown's other works, are quickly-paced, and feature jumps from one storyline to another at random, chapter by chapter. In this particular book, there are three or four storylines all going on at once (much like television's 24), which means that just as you're getting attached to one storyline, the chapter abruptly ends, and switches over to a new storyline for the next chapter. This works in many ways, not the least of which is the modern need to break things up into little pieces, so as to not grow monotonous. While it can get disorienting at first, this approach works very quickly, as there is always one focal point of the book. In this case, unbreakable computer text and codes divide people into two camps: the NSA- who have created a machine which can break any code in rapid time- and a rogue ex-employee whose dying action was to release a code which this machine cannot break.

Now, that alone doesn't grab me as a particularly pressing premise. However, the result of this encryption is that a virus has been infecting the NSA's database and with it, the online security of the U.S. government. That's something I can imagine. Throw in some back-stabbing and rogue agents and whatnot, and it's a fairly interesting story. Susan Fletcher- the story's main character- has more than a few things rattling in her brain, including a fiance who's gone missing and a co-worker she believes may be in cahoots with the villian of the novel. In any event, Fletcher does enough to entertain and keep the story flowing.

However, there are certain downsides to the plot of this story (again, from the perspective of someone who wants to be entertained). The first of these is that the machine does all of the work. The first two-thirds of the book constantly check back to "the machine" and how long it has been working on cracking the encryption code. Standing around waiting for a machine to do something? Not exciting. The second of these downsides is that it all seems so laughably outlandish. Brown's flair for the spectacularly dramatic has modest-by-comparison roots in Digital Fortress (as opposed to say, a pending anti-matter explosion above the Vatican). While it makes for entertaining reading, the absurdity is a take-off from what begins as very believable roots; I can totally grasp the NSA and computer hacking and all of that. It's when an international chase for a ring turns into a killing spree that I start to re-think the authenticity of Brown's early claims. That's a shame, really, because Brown goes to a lot of trouble to come up with a solid premise based on fact, scientific, cultural, or artistic.
How the times have changed...

The third and most uncontrollable downside to Digital Fortress is that it was published in 1998. Technology moves at such a ridiculously fast rate these days that some of the computer details are grossly outdated. While super-genius compter technicians still start from the ground up, so to speak, advances have made certain elements of this book obsolete. Let's collectively note that this is not Brown's fault. However, much like the movie The Net, it hasn't aged well at all, and requires a bit of back knowledge of what was going on in the world of computers in 1998 (think AOL). In any event, this at least is a source of some amusement, as I could only think of Encarta through certain chapters.
All kidding aside, even the tagline is shockingly old-sounding.

Overall, a well-intended first effort. Like many rookie efforts, Brown shows a glimpse of what's to come, while coming short of reaching the potential of an international block-buster of a story. Perhaps if I had gotten on the train at its origin, I would appreciate its destination a bit more. However, knowing and acknowledging that, it is clear in this first attempt at a gripping novel that Dan Brown is definitely on to something entertaining and gripping. And really, in the grand scheme of things, that is sometimes precisely what I'm looking for.

Book #11: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Harry Potter done growed up...
As a Harry Potter fan, the anticipation was high for the seventh and final installment in the JK Rowling series, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Like many of the avid HP readers, after six books, I found myself attached to the story arcs of Harry, Ron, and Hermione. The sixth book had left off with a massive number of questions to be answered, and so when HP7 came out in 2007, I felt like I was in a race against time to get through the book as quickly as possible, so as to avoid spoiler alerts. In any event, with the release of the highly-anticipated seventh film in the series, I decided to give HP7 another read to re-sharpen the sense of what the heck happened. I felt going in to the re-read that I had flown through it the first time in a matter of a couple of days and that there were things that didn't sink in as they did the second time around. Here's what I thought:

I liked the immediate action in the book. While there were a LOT of questions that needed answering, such a thick-looking book really got going right from the get-go. There was a lot of action early on, which kept setting a strong pace. Rowling does a great job early of setting the table and giving the reader samples of what's being served before the guests arrive for this conclusive dinner. While there are a lot of things going on at once, most readers will no doubt have been invested in her cast of characters for a while, and so it's a little easier to juggle what's going on. Besides, by the time the three main characters- Harry, Ron, and Hermione- head off on their own, things slow up considerably, leaving the reader plenty of time to get their head to stop thinking so fast.

Deathly Hallows: a lot warmer of a read the first time around, in 2007.

Time magazine's Richard Corliss wrote a rather misguided review of the film, saying that the movie lacked gusto. However, as an enthusiast of the books, I'm inclined to really appreciate the fact that the film captures the setting for a sizable middle portion of the book. It's less flashy than its predecessors (in both the book and the movie), it's cerebral, it's two/three people trying to crack a difficult puzzle and find a needle in a haystack, without the luxury of being on a farm. In the book, it's easier to read pages than to sit through a movie that doesn't seem to go anywhere. However- and the movie illustrates this quite effectively- the sense of frustration has gotten to the point of being able to feel it yourself. While Corliss may have only seen the films and forgone the books, what Deathly Hallows pt. 1 brought to the screen should have been abundant in information that would have helped fill in the gaps of the 6th HP movie.

There were times in Deathly Hallows that I felt Rowling had rushed to in order to keep the book at under 1000 pages. While I am not alone in thinking that wouldn't have been such a bad thing, I understand the hurried nature of such scenes as the break-in at Gringotts and the run-in at Malfoy Manor. I will say that these details did an admirable job of preparing the reader for the epic showdown at the Hogwarts Corral, which leads me to my next point...

I could have gone for a little more detail of what the hell was going on during the climactic battle. A life-or-death battle for control of the wizarding (and, it is assumed, the rest of the) world at Hogwarts certainly deserves a lot of attention. At times, it seemed as though the chaos ensuing inside the castle was described in just as chaotic a fashion. This isn't a full knock on Rowling as a writer; in fact, I am impressed that she undertakes the job of jumping to action involving the entire Weasley family as well as Harry and Voldemort, while sprinkling in the fate of Professor Snape. It was, however, difficult at times to adjust to the fact that there was so much going on in a matter of time where the pages yet to be read seemed to be dwindling rapidly. This, perhaps, is the best testament to the Deathly Hallows: it was such a page-turner that nervousness over what was going to happen at Hogwarts led to increased nervousness thanks to the fact that the end of the series was rapidly approaching.

All in all, the book was better the second time around, especially when in combination with the movie. I eagerly anticipate the film conclusion of the Harry Potter saga, particularly now that I've re-read HP7. There's a lot to be said for the series of books, and the best of which may be this: the time and energy invested in these characters has been quite an effort to tally. What it does, though, is endear the characters and story and world of wizarding to us all the more. And so, as the end of the line comes, all of that invested time, energy, and feelings towards this undertaking of a series are well-justified by Rowling's thrilling conclusion.

Book #10: Born Standing Up

Steve Martin: MUCH more than goofy accessories.
I never considered myself a huge fan of Steve Martin. Watching his films gave me the impression that he was a)typecast as a smug, smarmy guy, or b) WAS a smug and smarmy kind of guy. I had known he was a stand-up comedian, which begat a great SNL run, and acted as a springboard into film, in which he seemed to my mind to play the uptight "straight" guy. However, I very much enjoy autobiographies. This is simply because- public persona or not- the story is in the words of the subject itself. There's a lot to be said for a story that comes right from the source. In any event, I decided to pick up Steve Martin's "Born Standing Up", which documents Martin's early efforts in the comic realm to his rise to superstardom.

Martin's beginnings are indicative of what is so commonly heard in show business: lots of repitition, lots of practice and hard work. Anyone who's read Malcolm Gladwell's "Outliers" knows that success is born of a marriage of hard work and opportunity. Martin is no different. What is refreshing is to get an account of this process as it went on, step by step. While there were tremendous amounts of detail (some of which may not have been all that necessary), it's a testament to the kind of guy Steve Martin is: recognizant of his roots and the people who lent a hand along the way, however large a role they may or may not have had. One of the finest examples of this is when Martin waxes nostalgic for the magician who got him his first gig working in the magic shop at Disneyland. Again, refreshing to hear that account at the ground floor.

The fondness for which Martin seems to regard his beginnings are really sewn up with his acknowledgment that making it big was not necessarily the best thing to happen to him. As he describes, "I realize that I misunderstood what my last year of stand-up was about. I had become a party host, presiding not over timing and ideas but over a celebratory bash of my own making." This admission brings a sense of realness to what Martin must have gone through, while at the same time making a subtle suggestion to the reader, whether they are an aspiring comic or not: savor it. Savor all of it. The top isn't all gravy, and when and if you reach the top, you may be surprised by how little you can recall of the joys of being in pursuit of the elusive brass ring.

The man's a genius simply for transitioning between the banjo and the top of the heap

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this narrative of an awkward guy whose dedication to the absurd and- perhaps more importantly- the precision needed to nail the absurd in its most pure and sphincter-tightening awkwardness paid off. At the same time, Martin addresses the reader in a tone that is part-troubador, part-poet, part-romantic, part-cynic; all of these hats fit and come together to paint a picture which many can relate to, and these hats don't needed the added distinction of an arrow going through them.

Book #9: 1984

Orwell's "MCMLXXXIV"

During my term teaching abroad, I took advantage of the AIS library and read a number of classics. The most interesting from the perspective of a history nerd was inarguably George Orwell's "Animal Farm". The parallels between the book and the Russian Revolution in particular were pretty well laid-out in a narrative sense by Orwell. I'd imagine the story had an even more profound impact as it was initially released. In any event, it quickly becamse a favorite of mine. Something about the conclusion of the story struck me as an unfamiliar mix of dread, fear, and legitimate revulsion which literature so rarely genuinely affects me beyond general interest and question-raising/asking. As a result, I thought "1984" would be an appropriate follow-up.

As a disclaimer, Orwell didn't write bright and shiny books. In these cases, the book is far from it. The story is about Winston Smith, who works in London, which has changed drastically in the days since WWII. Smith's inner conflict stems from the fact that he struggles with the fact that he still has memories of pre-Ministry London and life. This is a problem because the Party (THE party, the unquestioned authority of every facet of life), would not have any of their members having any sort of recollection; such a preposterous idea would leave the thinker subject to death, which would be fairly easy to cover up, as history is constantly being re-written to the specifications of Big Brother, the mysterious leader of the Party.

As Smith fights to feel something, anything, he is indirectly seduced by a mysterious female member of the Anti-Sex League (libido is also controlled by Big Brother). It's generally a world where every aspect of life is closely monitored, rigidly censured, and- by sheer design- impossible to buck; the thought of "other" is heresy in the highest form (sound familiar?). The three-act epic has an inescapable arc which summarizes Winston's predicament in this world which he did not ask for, and which we are led to believe did not announce itself but rather crept up on the people. Act one shows that Smith is forced to live in fear based on his every movement and thought. Act two starts with a radical idea so unthinkable, Winston's initial reaction to it (spoiler alert: love) is internally panic-filled. This love affair doesn't seem normal. It's bizzarre reading this book and feeling like love itself is a taboo subject to the extent that much of the affair between Winston and Julia is spent in such an enrapturingly awkward veil of secrecy. That unfamiliar sentiment is what makes the story all the more alluring. I found myself so badly wanting to understand HOW such a thing is possible, even in a work of fiction.

Van Halen's "1984"...significantly more of a feel-good effort.
Act three, Orwell's genius as a writer fluorishes, as he does what I consider to be a masterful job of getting inside this concept of a most disturbing world, complete with the utter and total breakdown of both Winston and Julia. Not only does he document the breakdown, but he also documents the PAINSTAKING process by which they are dismantled emotionally. It culminates with such a thorough scene of emotional, mental, and spiritual dismemberment that words hardly do it justice. It was, in short, a complete mastery of what is at the core of heartlessness and evil. It gave me chills, reading this new idea of punishment. In the end, Winston is a hollow shell of a man who comes to find that this world created and run has decimated his core of being to the point of defeat.

As dysfunctional as Oceania is made to be in this work, I found myself mesmerized by it. It's such a thought-provoking book, while at the same time, a head-scratcher and a story that forces the reader to say "what the hell was that?" It's immediately shot up to the upper echelon of books I've read. Heavy stuff, but well worth the effort for a piece of work that legitimately moves you.

Book #8: Tuck Everlasting

Tuck Everlasting: slightly less-than-inspiring cover

For my eighth book in the 100-book quest, I went back and re-read Natalie Babbitt's "Tuck Everlasting". For those unfamiliar with the story, Winne Foster is a girl in the 19th century who runs away and stumbles upon the Tuck family, who are blessed/cursed with eternal life after drinking from a spring of immortality. As a result of this, they live inconspicuously as recluses in the wood of a small town, popping up every generation or so to essentially gauge the change in social climate.

Winnie learns that the idea of living forever isn't all that it's cracked up to be. In addition, a mysterious man has been following her in order to find the source of this elixir of eternal life so that he can bottle and market this substance. Meanwhile, Winnie begins falling for the son of the Tucks, which becomes one of a few weird subplots of this book. Got it? Okay, let's dive into some reaction...

I suppose the first thing I should have taken into account when I decided to re-read it was that I HAD read it in elementary school...and couldn't remember some pretty essential details, most notably what happens to the man in the yellow suit (he doesn't adopt a monkey), and what happens to Winnie Foster (this was a source of concern both then and now, as I kept thinking of Danica McKellar and what her fate would be). While it made for good incentive to continue reading, the flow of the story did not. Perhaps I'm nitpicking a book intended for reading groups among 5th graders, but I just felt the story to lack punch. Even the Tucks' collective fate felt a little listless. If this is what Babbitt intended when dealing with a family who could never die, then it's an admirable work. Otherwise, I found myself reading for the sake of finishing a book (my own curse, since immortality seems a bit out of reach).
Could have used more monkeys to go with that suit

While the man in the yellow suit certainly made things a little more interesting, in the end it seemed a minor ripple in the pond of the story. The fate of the Tuck family and Winnie Foster was paramount to the plot of Tuck Everlasting. As for Winnie's decision to drink the water and stay with Jesse, the Tuck's son... young love in the 19th century wasn't very intriguing. The internal conflict of trying to read this from the perspective of a 5th grader was, in actuality, more intriguing than the story itself. It made for a lot of question-asking, as school children should be wont to do. Why wouldn't the Tucks work to destroy the spring if they wanted to keep people in the future from drinking the water? Why not just kill Winnie and any other witnesses to the spring? Why am I reading this?

In the end, the story wrapped up with what seemed like a well-wrapped-up story. And maybe it was just that simple. Which was ultimately what I did not like about the story. The pondering of immortality and what it may or may not entail wasn't enough to make me take hold of what Babbitt was offering here...

Winnie Cooper? MUCH more memorable than Winnie Foster.

...........and maybe that's the point. Maybe the lack of flash and bang and whatnot forces the reader to get to the bare-bones questions and deeper issues. AND, despite being written in 1975, Tuck Everlasting is still a part of reading lists to this day among elementary and middle schools. So maybe there's something to be said for this book after all. Maybe it's worth the praise it's received through all these years.

Maybe, you should give it a read for yourself.

Book #7: The Essential 55

Smart teachers know more than students..particularly in the self-marketing department...

Ron Clark has gained fame in the world of education. While I'm not sure of the statement that that makes in today's world of celebrity-at-every-turn, I am always at the very least interested in people who discuss education. This I'm sure has a great deal to do with my calling as a teacher. In any event, Ron Clark's story of bringing out the best in students from rural North Carolina as well as Harlem, NY is certainly cause for my interest in reading The Essential 55, a book of what Clark considers to be indispensable rules for creating a strong classroom of successful students.

The rules that Clark has put in place in this book range from the minute (Rule #7: "Cover your mouth when you sneeze or cough and say excuse me") to the too-broad (Rule #55: "Be the best person you can be"). I thoroughly enjoyed the tales told from Clark's past in teaching, and each rule comes with a story, and of course, the moral behind it. What made it better is that he left things a little bit open to personal interpretation; while his stories ended one way (99% happy ending), there's always the chance you could have your own story to tell, which is really the preferred way to go through life, in my opinion.

A few nitty-gritty issues I took with the book...please note that these are generally a result of my being an educator (much like military buffs question war tactics and strategies, I speak of what I know to be my area of (presumed) expertise)... the first 11 rules (20% of the rules, for those of you keeping track at home) are devoted to characteristic traits and building nice young people. While a teacher's responsibilities are myriad, I argue that these sorts of traits are things that could and should be taught before the students get into the classroom. I question whether Clark's reputation is as impressive if he merely creates strong students out of well-behaved kids...there is that level of unnecessary prompting for a sense of being a well-rounded individual that bothers me.

While Clark's resolve to help make strong individuals is commendable, I found myself wondering if many of these rules don't boil down to a simple level of respect for oneself and the people/places around them. That's one of the ultimate lessons one can learn in the world today, a point which I'm sure doesn't get absorbed by nearly as many young people as it should. But enough of my soap box rant...the book is a quick read, though not terribly applicable if you are not in or interested in the education sphere. The book also contains bonus pages for dealing with students and parents, which is nice. Also, the rules seemed to skew young. A lot of these guidelines are geared towards steering younger students in the right direction, which is fine...it just magnifies my prior argument further if in fact these are to be applied to students in a secondary school setting.


Some students are closer to being lost causes than others...

Overall, I enjoyed hearing 'war stories' from the classroom, though a lot of what Clark says requires one to consider nothing of their own circumstances. These plans are not fool-proof (though, in his defense, Clark does not make them out to be), iron-clad points, and so trying to implement them universally would be foolish without getting to know your class/audience. Include grain of salt when consuming.